Sound clips from Armageddon
Charlton Heston: This is the Earth at a time when the dinosaurs roamed a lush and fertile planet. A piece of rock just 6miles wide changed all of that. It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons. A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere creating a suffocating blanket of dust that the sun was unable to penetrate for a 1000 years. It happened before. It will happen again. It’s just a question of when.
Karl: The person who finds her gets to name her, right?
Truman: Yes, yes that’s right.
Karl: Well, I’d like to name her Dottie, after my wife. She’s a vicious, life-sucking bitch from which there’s no escape.
President: What is this thing?
Dan Truman: It’s an asteroid sir.
President: How big are we talking?
Scientist: Sir our best estimate is 97.6 billion…
Dan Truman: It’s the size of Texas Mr. President.
President: Dan, we didn’t see this thing coming?
Dan Truman: Well, our object collision budget is a million dollars, that allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and begging your pardon sir, but it’s a big-ass sky.
President: Is this going to hit us?
Dan Truman: We’re efforting that as we speak sir.
President: What kind of damage?
Dan Truman: Damage? Total sir. it’s what we call a global killer. The end of mankind. It doesn’t matter where it hits, nothing would survive not even bacteria.
President: My God. What do we do?
Grace: The first time I got my period Rock had to take me into Taipei for Tampax and then he had to show me how to use ’em, Harry!
Rockhound: Oh! Uh, no, I told her how to use them, I didn’t show her, Harry!
Bear: COME AND GET PAPA BEAR!!!
Harry S. Stamper: The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?
Harry S. Stamper: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth wait for this big rock to crash into it kill everything and everybody we know. The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no?
Rockhound: Beam me up Scotty.
Lev: American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!
Rockhound: You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money’s good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok?
[The entire speech the President gives just before the crew launches into space.]
Harry: They’ll do it. They’ve made a few requests though. Oscar, here is got some outstanding parking tickets, and Max, would like you to bring back 8 track tapes. Not sure if that’s going to work. Yeah, one more thing none of them want to pay taxes again…ever.
Col. William Sharp: American astronauts train for years. You have 12 days.
Rockhound: This is so much fun, it’s freaky!
Rockhound: It’s about time, I haven’t thrown up in about an hour.
General Kimsey: We spend 250 billion dollars a year on defense. And here we are the fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn’t trust with a potato gun.
Col. Sharp: Talk about the wrong stuff.
Rockhound: Hey Harry, you know we’re sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has two hundred thousand moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn’t it?
Rockhound: Oh God, I hate knowing everything!
Rockhound: This place is like Dr. Suess’ worst nightmare!
Charles “Chick” Chapple: Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.
Rockhound: Guess what guys? It’s time to embrace the horror. Look we got first class tickets to the end of the Earth!
Col. Sharp: Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Air Force, requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I ever met.