Sound clips from Happy Gilmore
Happy: Step right up folks. See if you can out drive the amazing golf ball uh whacker guy.
Happy: Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy tap tap taparoo
Happy: Son of a bitch ball. Why didn’t you just go home? That’s your home. Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass ball!
Shooter: Just stay out of my way or you’ll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy: How about I just go eat some hay. I could make things out of clay, and lay by the bay. I just may. What d’ya say?
Orderly: Check out the name tag. Your in my world now grandma.
Happy: Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that I’d have to kick my own ass.
Shooter: Your in big trouble though pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
Happy: Well, I’m outta here. I hear that Asteroids machine calling my name from the gameroom, so Peace!
Happy: The price is wrong bitch.
FeelTheFlow.wav (327K) FeelTheFlow.mp3 (119K)
Happy: Is it always like this with the TV cameras and the people and stuff?
Potter: Yeah, lot of pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness energy, block bad. Feel the flow, Happy. Feel it. It’s circular. It’s like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse. It goes up and down and around. Circular. Circle. With the music. The flow… all good things.
Happy: Yeah, alright! Well great… nice to meet ya man. Psycho.
Happy: Holy shit! Talk about your all-time backfires!
My Puck.wav (66K)
Happy: That’s my puck baby! DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH MY PUCK!
Happy: I was put on this planet for one reason. To play hockey.
GoingNowhere.wav (229K) GoingNowhere.mp3 (84K)
Happy: Hold on a second babe.
Happy’s Girlfriend: Yeah?
Happy: Your not going for good are ya honey.
Happy’s Girlfriend: You’re going no where Happy, and you’re taking me with you. All you ever talk about is being a pro hockey player, but there’s a problem you’re not any good!
Happy: I AM GOOD! You know what? You’re a lousy kindergarten teacher! I’ve seen those finger paintings you bring home, AND THEY SUCK!
Don’tGo.wav (294K) Don’tGo.mp3 (107K)
Happy: Please don’t go.
Happy’s Girlfriend: I am not spending the rest of my life with a loser. I’m Gone!
Happy: GOOD! THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE! WHO NEEDS YOU? BEAT IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean that either. I just yell sometimes, because I get so scared. Scared of being a nobody. Why don’t ya just come back up stairs honey? I’ll give you the ol’ smoochie smoochie, kissy wissy.
Grandma: Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
Orderly: You could trouble me for a warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP!
Chubbs: Golfs no different than hockey. Requires talent, and self discipline.
Happy: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass! You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!
Spectator: It’s about time.
Happy: Yeah it is about time. I just couldn’t get the ball in the hole. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t do it. [Happy punches spectator]
[Happy hitting a big drive]
[Happy getting beeped out by the censors for cursing]
Happy: Oh YEAH! WOOO HOOOO! YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT! YOU LIKE THAT BABY? PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!
Potter: Doing the bull dance. Felling the flow. Working it. Working it.
Happy: Hey what are you doing now? You want to get some food?
Virgina: Oh, no thanks. I don’t date golfers.
Happy: Oh, good, because I’m a hockey player.
Happy: Damn it! I hate that Bob Barker!
Heckler: You suck! Ya Jack Ass!
Heckler: You will not make this putt! Jack Ass!
Heckler: Jack Ass!
[Happy hits a bad shot]
Bob Barker: This guy sucks!
Happy: I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the worst. You’re very good looking. I’m not attractive.
Chubbs: All right. As long as you’re willing to admit that.