Sound clips from Old School
Bernard ‘Beanie’ Campbell (Vince Vaughn): We are gonna get so much ass here it’s gonna be sick. I’m talkin’ like crazy, like boy band ass.
Frank Ricard (Will Ferrell): I had an awesome time!
Spanish (Rick Gonzalez): Hey come hit this right here, you need to hit this.
Frank Ricard: No, I appreciate it, but I told my wife I wouldn’t drink tonight. Besides I got a big day tomorrow, you guys have a great time.
Spanish: A big day? Doin what?
Frank Ricard: Well, um, actually pretty nice little Saturday. We’re uh, gonna go to Home Depot, yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time. (pause) OK, you know what? You know what? Gimme that thing! I’ll do one, do one.
Spanish: He gonna do one, he gonna do one!
Marissa Jones (Perrey Reeves): Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t call you on your birthday.
Frank Ricard: My birthday? Whadda ya mean?
Marissa Jones: Yeah last Thursday? Oh. You forgot your birthday didn’t you Frank?
Frank Ricard: Dangit. I’m such an idiot.
Frank Ricard: And Blue.
Joseph ‘Blue’ Palasky (Patrick Cranshaw): Yes sir.
Frank Ricard: Do you trust that I do not wanna to see you die here tonight?
Blue: Sir yes sir.
Frank Ricard: Blue, you’re my boy!
Blue: Thank you sir.
Frank Ricard: Hey, hey ladies! Hey.
Lara Campbell (Leah Remini): Hey Frank, looks like its a little cold out there huh?
Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together, to join Franklin and Marissa.
Beanie: Don’t do it! [coughing]
Beanie: I don’t know why ya gotta do it in front of the kid; with the F-in’. All you gotta do is say earmuffs to him. Earmuffs. Then you can say f**k, sh*t, bitch, whatever you want.
Frank Ricard: Cock, balls.
Beanie: OK, I’m just proving a point, you don’t have to celebrate it Frank.
Marissa Jones: Just as long as you promise to take it easy you know?
Frank Ricard: Whadda ya mean?
Marissa Jones: You know exactly what I mean. You’ve come a long way since Frank the Tank and we don’t want him coming back now do we?
Frank Ricard: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back. OK? That part of me is over, water under the bridge. I promise.
Marissa Jones: Frank?!
Frank Ricard: Hey honey! Hey!
Marissa Jones: What the hell are you doing?
Frank Ricard: We’re streaking. We’re going up through the quad to the gymnasium.
Marissa Jones: Who’s streaking?
Frank Ricard: There’s, there’s more coming.
Marissa Jones: Frank, get in the car.
Frank Ricard: Everybody’s doing it.
Marissa Jones: Now!
Frank Ricard: OK.
Frank Ricard: Fill it up again! It’s so good! Once it hits your lips it’s so good!
Frank Ricard: Dear Mitch, if you’re holding this letter, you already know. The house has been boarded up; the windows, the doors, everything. We’re at the Comfort Inn room 112. I love you, Frank.
Mitch Martin (Luke Wilson): Jackass.
Frank Ricard: Honey you think KFC’s still open?
Archer’s Wife: What’s going on?!
Frank Ricard: You tell anyone about this I’ll f**king kill you… I’m kidding, I’m kidding! We’ll have him back by tonight.
Bryan Callen: Love. It’s a mother f**ker huh?
Frank Ricard: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s main event!
Frank Ricard: I guess what I’m trying to say is that now that I’m married, I’m definitely feeling a little freaked out about the fact that I’m gonna have sex with one person [pause, motions towards wife] for the rest of my life!
Frank Ricard: [leaving voicemail message] Hey Marissa, it’s me, uh, listen uh, probably gonna be in the neighborhood a little bit later. Uh, didn’t know if you wanted to get together for maybe a frozen yogurt sometime, or maybe even a whole meal of food if that’d be agreeable. Stupid.
Beanie: You know, the thing that’s frustrating is that I don’t think you appreciate everything that I’ve done for you here. I mean, hello?
Mitch Martin: For me?
Beanie: Yeah for you. What, do you think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hang out with nineteen year old girls all day?
Mitch Martin: Yeah I do.
Beanie: Well I don’t man.
Beanie: Each and every one of you has been hand picked to represent our inagural pledge class. And over the next 21 days you’re all going to experience intense mental and physical strain.
Frank Ricard: Dahhhhhh!
Beanie: Frank, pace yourself.
Frank Ricard: Copy that. Just got a little over excited. Sorry.
Frank Ricard: Hey. Blue, you sure you’re OK with this?
Blue: Just ring the f**king bell you pansy.
Frank Ricard: Well uh, I guess uh, deep down I’m feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly you get married and you supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don’t, I don’t feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happened to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh. Odds are they were probably basic white cotton underpants, but I started thinking, maybe they’re silk panties. Maybe it’s a thong, maybe it’s uh, maybe it’s something cool I don’t even know about ya know? And uh, I started feeling… what?
Frank Ricard: Happy Tuesday to you out there, Frank the Tank here at Harrison Cougar radio, 88.6. Wanna give a shout out to the Godfather. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here today Mitch. I’d probably be dead. Face down in a drained pool somewhere.
Frank Ricard: We’re going streaking! Sorry, sorry, we’re goin’ streaking through the quad and then to the gymnasium. Come on everybody! Come on! Snoop! Snoop-a-loop! Snoop…uh, no, it’s cool! It’s cool! I’m cool, bring your green hat. Let’s go! Come on everybody we’re goin!
Heidi (Juliette Lewis): Well you know I’m having this get together at my place tomorrow night, just like a few internet friends. You should swing by.
Frank Ricard: Really?
Juliette Lewis: Totally.
Frank Ricard: OK.
Juliette Lewis: All right?
Frank Ricard: Sounds awesome.
Juliette Lewis: All right I’ll see you tomorrow night.
Frank Ricard: Awesome. Yes! [punches cereal boxes] I am back! Whew! You know it! [kicks the crap out of some lady’s shopping cart]